I gave up. I died in 2025.

 

 Yes, you read the title right.

WARNING: LONG POST AHEAD.

 

In 2025, I gave up. 

 

My last post (on my website) was in the summer of '25. I was editing away on my website. Adding all this "never seen before" content, making podcasts and beginning work on a new video series that I filmed back in 2024. (My Side of the Camera.)

Somewhere in there, I got loaded down with a lot of work that was not related to my art. And I got discouraged. I literally gave up. I stopped making podcasts because I had nothing to talk about. I stopped editing my website because I was too busy to. Time to work on my video series was non existent, so I stopped work on that too.

Everything.
I quit everything.

I stopped making time for my art. I stopped creating. I stopped doing the things that set my soul on fire.
I felt like I was going nowhere as an artist. Couldn't get hardly any bookings. I felt like maybe I should be doing something else. Even though, this is what I love. And the fact that I was busy doing everything else, sort of set those feelings in concrete. Progress on all my projects stopped. 

This is where I began to die.

Not being dramatic, but when you stop doing the things that you love, you stop doing what makes you... YOU, you die. You're not creating, dreaming, doing, planning, going,.. then you stop living.

I was basically existing, but not living. I felt completely dead inside. 
What's worse is I didn't take the time to evaluate why I felt this way. What was causing me to feel sad and low and dead? What do I need to do to change these feelings?

Nope.
I just pushed it down. Told myself to keep going. Suck it up. This is your life.

In December, it was time for the annual "have a bunch of meltdown sessions".
Unfortunately, it was the third year in a row that I felt complete burnout.
But this time, the meltdowns were more frequent and intense.

Finally, I woke up.

I finally knew something had to change. I had been thinking (weeks prior to the meltdowns)
that I was not happy with my life. I wanted and NEEDED change.
So I began thinking what does that change look like? What does it need to be?
After talking to my mom (who is my best friend in the whole wide world) she helped me to realize that I needed to start making time for my art.
I need to prioritize myself and start living again.
Start saying "no" more.
S e t > b o u n d a r i e s.
And make time for myself.

So......

 

in 2026, things are going to be different.
things are going to change. 

 

But Lady, why did you share all of that?
Well, for a few reasons.

1. To be completely transparent.
If other people are watching me
(like small business owners or people who want to be a business owner)
I don't want people to think that I don't struggle with stuff.
Like my mental health. Or I don't struggle financially. Or I don't struggle with setting healthy boundaries. Or I don't struggle with finding a work/life balance.
Bull crap! I totally do.
I am not here to paint a picture that running your own business is a walk in the park.
Is it worth it? ABSOLUTELY!
Is it easy? ABSOLUTELY NOT!
But for all my struggles, I wouldn't change what I do. I would just change how I do it. And, I am.

2. Accountability
I am putting this here for myself.
So I can look back, check in, and ask myself:
"Am I prioritizing myself?"
My art? My space? My mental health? My goals? etc.

3. I'm giving an honest answer to those who asked
People asked how life was going. How my work was doing.
I lied.
I would tell them I was resting. Taking a break.
Or I made it sound like I was in between really busy seasons.
Which, maybe I was. Maybe I needed to rest. Slow down.
But not give up and do nothing.

So this is my genuine answer to those who checked on me. 

Thank you for being interested in my life, my work and how I was doing.
I'm sorry I lied. But thank you for taking the time to ask about everything. 

 

Things are changing
because I am creating change.

Things will be different
because I need it to be.

 

I am getting back to photoshoots. I have a lot of NEW content to share.
I am updating my packages. I'm getting back to work on my educational course "Teach Like Jesus"
and plan to get back to work on my video series "My Side of the Camera."

I want to do everything at once but I am trying to prioritize what goes first.

Let's just say, for the first time in over half a year, 

I am beginning to feel alive.

Thank you for reading.
-Lady